Kudos to my good buddy Russell. In one of his comments on a previous post he mentioned how he wants “more superficial information” like how to hit a golf ball 400 yards with a 3 wood. So this post goes out to all y’all who want a more superficial side of Seth. (If there’s actually “y’all” out there—which word suggest a plurality of audience members). For a future date, Rusty suggested a tutorial on how to cut your own hair, which thing I’m quite good at seeing how I haven’t paid anyone to cut my hair for years. Stay tuned for that one. This post’s about my favorite leisure activity and a unique ability to hit a golf ball a really long way… under special circumstances…

Being that Rusty has given me the green light to be superficial I might talk about myself a little bit here. It’s true. I’ve hit a golf ball over 400 yards numerous times with many witnesses (but never with a 3 wood, sorry Rusty). In some sense that puts me in an elite club. I don’t know what that “club” should or would be, but if there was one that had anything to do with hitting a golf ball 400 yards I might qualify by a few yards.

My brief golfing history: I hit my first 300 yard drive when I was 14 years old with a 3-wood on Fore Lakes Golf Course in West Valley City, Utah (not much of a course, just a little 9 hole executive). I made my first birdie on that same hole. I started golfing with a used set of clubs my uncle had given me. It’s been a little while since then. I’m much bigger now or taller at least with a little bit longer and a somewhat shinier clubs that are more explicitly functional (Mizuno MP30’s 2-PW, X-stiff Dynamic Gold +2 steel shafts, bent 3 degrees upright). I’ve never had a lesson in my life, but since high school I’ve somehow been able to flirt with scratch golf (I did more flirting in high school…) and I’ve won every long drive contest in every tournament I’ve been in outside of collegiate or prep sports. (If you don’t know what “scratch” is then don’t worry about it).

Nobody in my family really plays much golf, except my uncle, so I don’t know to whom I can attribute my golf mediocrity other than Tiger Woods himself. (No, he’s not on my speed dial but I got close enough to him one time that I could have punched him in the face had I wanted to). As A kid I would record every single tournament he played in the was broadcast on national television to watch it over and over through out the following week. Thus, I’m very much self-taught, or I just did what Tiger did. So this post is as unprofessional as is my golf.

PAUSE: I better watch it. This golf subject is way too enjoyable for me and I know way too much about way too much meaningless golf stuff. I can talk about golf for hours or days even, which would mean I can write about it for even longer. Straight to the point…

3 Critical Points to Hitting a Golf Ball 400 Yards

DISCLAIMER: I have two things to my advantage. First, I’m coordinated. Second, I’m 6’10”. Most of you have the former, but not the letter. The latter gives me all the advantage in the world to hit a golf ball 400 yards, if I have the former. (Being tall plays a different role when you actually try to score well in golf, in that sense it’s better to be a lot a bit shorter).

A golf club is a lever and you know what Archimedes said about levers and fulcrums, “Give me lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it and I shall move the world.” Yeah, I’ve got long… fulcrums and levers and stuff. So don’t you worry about what you can’t control, just do these three things and you’ll perform just fine.

Critical point number one: Forget everything that has anything to do with Happy Gilmore as it refers to golf. The movie is good entertainment sure, but it has given people an incrdibly false perception about golf in more ways than just how to hit a golf ball 400 yards. From a golfer’s viewpoint, from my viewpoint, the show is a disgrace to the game of golf, but albeit entertaining.

Always remember this: it is mechanically impossible for someone to hit a golf ball 440 yards swinging like Happy Gilmore. It’s not going to happen. You may think that “swinging harder” will make the ball go farther, but in golf, that’s just not the case. You can’t run up to a ball and swing as hard as you can and make the ball go any further. Don’t think so? Try me, I’ll give you a driver and I’ll take my 7 iron and I’ll out drive you by 50 yards. I only hit my 7 iron 205-207 yards. Distance is not about swinging hard, it’s about a lot of things that have nothing to do with swinging hard. Hitting the ball is mostly about proper timing and synchronization of your hips and shoulders. Almost as important are your stance, grip, ball position, and ball striking. None of those have anything to do with swinging hard. If you’ve ever seen Ernie Els hit a golf ball you’ll know why he’s called the Big Easy. He’s one of the longest drivers on the PGA tour. Check this…

Critical point number two: Tee the ball up higher and don’t rest your club on the ground prior to takeaway and place the ball all the way forward in your stance. This is critical. I use 3” tees (must be white and wooden). Don’t be afraid to tee it up and rip it. The top of the club face should hit the ball right at its equator. Beginners don’t tee the ball up high enough and when they do they’ll pop it straight up in the air because they rest their club on the ground before they swing and flub it.
Most people rest their driver on the ground prior to takeaway and skim the surface of the grass during the backswing. I got news for you. Your brain is accurate enough to help your muscles create a specific muscle memory point. Your downswing will likely return to that point, nip the grass (or plow it), and hit the clubface way above the sweet spot instead of right smack in the middle of it. The result is a weak shot. Don’t do that. Hover the club barely above the grass at setup, tee the ball up accordingly.

The reason why you must place the ball all the way forward in your stance (straight off your big toe) is because you want your driver to do what it’s meant to do. That may sound stupid, but it’s true. Your swing with your driver is different than with 3 woods from the turf, utility clubs, irons, wedges and putters. Your swing is shallow and wide; more “oval” than any other shot. . The impact point with the driver should be just before the club begins to ascend. The impact point with all other clubs, except a 3 wood off the tee, is descending. Just get used to teeing the ball forward and swinging wide and shallow.

Okay, that was three points, lucky you.

Critical point number three: For me, this one factor has made all the difference and has turned my mediocrity into superhuman strength. Have girl problems. I’ve hit my longest drives while releasing large amounts of dating and relationship stress in the form of focused adrenaline. Just get it all out man… and let it go. Just let it go. For those of you who don’t have girl problems, I’m sorry, but 400 yards is a bit far without that superhuman edge.

All in all, it should look like something like this. I even give you two swings for the price of one. (This shot is with a standard 45″ Titleist 905R with a Fujikura Speeder shaft).

Bling.

I’m tall. Tallness comes with various side effects—most are pleasant, but some physically hurt. (If you want an extended list of side effects we can get together later). At least I’m tall enough that I don’t hit my head on anything…?? What? You may think that sounds backwards but it isn’t. I know very well where my head is at all times.

Most doorways are six and a half feet. I’m six ten so I duck through almost every door. I feel for six-five guys. Even though they’re five inches shorter, their “tweener” height will break their head open one day. Most haven’t the habit of ducking because they don’t need to duck through most doors. A dude that hasn’t developed the habit of ducking through doorways who decides one fateful day to put on a shoe with a plus size sole… ouch. Door Jam meets Forehead Part IV. Thanks goodness I passed up that painful height as a junior in high school. One of my fondest habits in life is that of ducking through every doorway regardless of the height. This tall man information should be postscript to the subject of this post.

One side effect of my tallness that I can’t decide whether or not I enjoy is that people’s attention seems to naturally follow after the tall guy for some reason. I can’t hide or blend in to a crowd, believe me I’ve tried (like when I try to practice my moves on a dance floor without putting them on display for all to see). Sometimes my every move feels like it’s being traced by all-seeing eyeballs. If you’ve ever sat in the front row of a full classroom and felt like someone is staring a hole through the back of your head, that’s what it feels like, often… at least when in public places. (For that reason, tall people, in public places, seem to migrate to walls or solid objects for refuge from the “eyes”).

On the positive side of tallness: Harvard social psychologists have determined that tall men are considered more persuasive, attractive, and listened to; are higher paid, more likely to hold leadership positions, and memorable. That’s nice, but that’s just the way it is whether us tall folk like it or not. Now, of course we have to contribute by standing tall regardless of how tall we already are, dressing decent, and maintaining personal hygiene, or the positive results could plummet to profound depths in the opposite direction.

The tallman factor is part of a phenomenon dubbed “The Halo Effect.” This effect has to do with the way outward or external appearances of the perceived affect the inward or internal emotions of the perceiver. People make assumptions or knee-jerk judgments of others based off of simple, emotional, oftentimes meaningless, external “triggers.” If I went to the office looking like I did when I woke up in the morning (unkempt hair, bad breath, slouching, basketball shorts and a t-shirt), and I were to meet someone for the first time looking like I just got out of bed, they would make a judgment about my character based on those external triggers.. in this case a negative judgment. It’s sad but true. We do it all the time. However, if I was dressed to the 9’s and smelled nicely and walked confidently, and I was tall, their opinion is likely to be positive. We are quick to judge a book by its cover. We do it all the time. Now you know the scientific term that goes along with it. The cliché “Dress for success” has everything to do with the Halo Effect.

Similarly, making an effort to look nice and carry yourself confidently can achieve the same results. What you wear, how you walk, the look on your face, what you smell like, etc., all that and more affects the sub-conscious of the onlooker and is a part of the enigmatic halo effect. Luckily for un-tall people, the effect isn’t just achieved through tallness. One benefit of being tall, though, is that tallness is one of the only positive halo effect characteristics that is completely natural. I just have to get up in the morning and I’m instantly tall, no cosmetics or smell-me-good sauces necessary to spice me up.

So what does all this jibber-jabber have to do with flying? Here it is. In addition to the aforementioned side effects experienced by tall men, here’s yet another curse: traveling can be most unpleasant; not just for me (cramps and little practical use of the seat-back tray), but for the person sitting beside me (have to sit with my legs wide) and the person sitting in front of me (can’t lean his chair back). Accommodations just aren’t made for tall people when flying the “friendly skies.”

There are three places on a flight where a tall man will sit comfortably—depending on the make and model of the airplane sometimes not even that (sometimes the legroom in first class is even terrible). First class, the bulk head and the emergency exit are the tall man’s oases in the air.

I didn’t travel that often until a couple years ago. Before then I didn’t understand the Halo Effect and therefore didn’t achieve my desired oasis of comfort in the friendly skies. I settled for cramps way too often. Once I learned the power of the Halo Effect, however, I have since only settled for something less once.

Official segue to the punchline of these ramblings:

I made a resolution. I wanted to take full advantage of what the Halo Effect had to offer. On one day trip to LA I wore a nice suit. I quickly noticed that I was treated differently when I was well dressed (a suit or a blazer with a nice button up shirt, slacks, and tassel shoes–which make me look like a 30+ year old) I got what I wanted… my legroom and an extra drink or two. Hmm… Jeans and a t-shirt just didn’t get these results. This was intriguing to me. I resolved to always dress nicely when traveling so I could do so in relative comfort.

With Halo Effect in effect, I sometimes feel like a celebrity or somebody important because of the way people look at me… and I know I ain’t no celebrity. A few times I was treated as if I was a professional athlete, people assumed I was… of course I’m not. I would get people asking me which NBA team I played for and if I could get them tickets. They assumed I played in the NBA, an effect I never got in jeans and a t-shirt. A few times I was offered first class for no reason, because they couldn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be in first class. I never have to ask more than once to be reseated in the emergency exit or the bulk head when flying coach, even if they have to move someone out of their rightful seat to do so–the flight attendants accommodate my long legs rather nicely. On Southwest I pre-board with the little kids… I’m still mulling over the ethics of that one…

This passed holiday season I decided to travel comfortably and leave the tassel shoes at home. Sufficeth to say, I didn’t get that bulk head seat or the emergency exit and I returned to taste the unpleasantries of the unfriendly skies. Yup, this was that one time that I settled for something less.